Every single day in my life I realized that I am lucky. Lucky to be me and to have people who loves me for what I am. This past few weeks I admit that I am not able to post anything about what is happening to me. Now, I am writing. I guess I am ready to say what I feel.
These past few weeks I feel like I am useless, though I cannot show it to people who really concerned about me. I feel like useless because I am insecure and jealous with people whom I wish to be me. I know I am bad. I am not perfect. I feel guilt. I feel exhausted with things that people asked me to do. I feel frustrated with my dreams and actions.
I know that I am different with anyone else. I have few people who really believes in me. I am no one. I am just an invisible to anyone else’s eye.
I am not even sure with my plans. Whenever I choose to live for myself and decide for my own life there are factors that I always I need to consider and it create frustrations. People direct my life and sometimes I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t move. Sometimes I want to live free from criticisms and obligations but I couldn’t just escape from this life because I have responsibilities.
Don’t get me wrong with things that I said in this entry. What I wanted to say that for once I want to to chase my own dreams.
Now I know now why I am frustrated to become a pilot someday. It is because, I want to fly like a bird and I want to breathe.
I wished to have a life no strings attached.