Sticking here at home beats me to death. I don’t know what to do because I cannot move and make decisions by myself. I am not sure of where I am going right now. My parents expects so much to me and I could not afford to fail them. I cannot make any move because I am hanging. I don’t know if my parents understand me.
My mother wanted me to look for a school so that I could study further because I need to however she wanted me to look for a job, On the other hand, my father wanted me to look for a job and work.
I know they want me to become successful and I know how much they love me. I have this frustrations because of the expectations of those people who surrounds me. It’s like a bell that keeps me awake of reality and remind me about my obligations in life. It keeps me alive and it keeps me moving even though I was like a puppet, I could not move on my own and I could not do because they feeds me and I got money from them.
Is it just my ego?
I could not demand anything from my parents because they feed me and such. I could not afford to do my business because I use their money. I am apprehensive to get money from them. I feel like I am not their daughter which they expect me to be.
I was raised by my parents making them happy with what I do for them. I make good grades in school. they give me my needs and wants. I am thinking about what I can do for them. My parents expect so much in me. I don’t want to fail them.
I want to make a career not just to have a job. I want something that I am proud of. I want to be a writer, I want to learn how to write well. I know, being a writer is hard. In terms of money and life, just to fulfill this dream I am willing to start in a small and create my career quest from there. I know on the other side that I need to low down my pride to raise money for a living.
I just want to make my parents proud of me. I am frustrated because expectations kills me everyday but it keeps me alive by reminding me all my obligations.
I want my parents to wait. Just wait for now…