I have watched two movies today in Youtube. First, “If Only” it is a melodramatic movie and it put me on tears. Second, “Honey, We shrunk ourselves” a happy movie and can keep me laughing.
From serious to happy movie is a good therapy for me. Especially, I am in a cold state because of a man whom I love so much and he driven me crazy now and then. He never failed to make me mad at him because of his simple conversations with me. I think we are not going to far and I am gonna call out! I am mad at the same time I am sad.
“They say there’s always someone in a relationship who loves more, Oh God I wish it wasn’t me”. -Samantha Andrews (If Only movie)
I always pray to God two things about myself that I wanna have. those are the graces of “Understanding” and “Patience”. I have learned from my “Marriage and Family” course subject in college that a continuous prayer about giving graces can be granted but not immediately. I am trying. To the point that I make myself blind with everything or just be so numb.
I could not help it but sometimes there will be a point that I am “I could not tolerate it”. I admit that I always picked fights but those fights will not be fights without him igniting it.
When I am not in the mood, I am silent and I am in the corner. I know that if I will say anything he will get mad at me and it will goes on and on and on. He will not talk to me and never give a damn to see me if I am still alive.
I know I am crazy and a real moody person especially when I feel “not important” to anybody.
To anyone who I am not attached I easily get away and forget them. I could leave their lives easily in a snap, but when those people whom I really love most make me feel that, I could not stay away from it. I cannot help it but to be silent and cool down unless they triggered me to talk and talk and talk.
Among women or even men get jealous though it depends on how they manage it. I am a territorial person sometimes. I only pick some but not everyone.
I am a loquacious person especially when I am mad. I talk loud when I am on fire and I fight when I am mad. I put a man down when I have to.
There is nothing to be jealous about. The only thing annoys me is that I need a “ME time” even not everyday but at least I would feel I am important to a person that equally important to me.
Between me and him every thing is beautiful especially when I feel loved. One thing that kills me every time is the fact that I am feeling sad or mad without a reason or if there is a reason it is a very petty reason.
I always thought about many things. I always talk to myself alone. My relationship to myself is a good one. I do not want to lose any thread of hope.
I do not easily give up on relationships. The only way to break myself in to a relationship is to feel pain or a great madness to a person. And when that happened, expect me that I will never turn back again. I will never look back again for a reason of the intense feeling that pushes me to wipe all the love and only hate will remain.
I am not a quitter in a relationship. It might kill me or beat me to death, still I am going for it. For it is the only thing that keeps me alive.