Alright, last Saturday at dawn I was still awake and I don’t know why. I think I do have anxiety disorders that makes me feel so bad and that feeling bothers other people.
I was on the phone with my boyfriend that night, it is around 2 a.m. and raining! We are on a fight and it really sucks every time that I am talking to him and hung-up.
We are talking over a fight (it been three days and still we’re arguing) and then I suddenly punched the wall many times until I felt some numbness, and then, I cried and hung-up the phone.
I don’t know what my boyfriend was saying that time. It was all blurred. All I know is I am angry and I am to pissed off.
My left hand
At first, I don’t feel anything. I never thought that I could have bruises. I went down stairs to check it and I found out it was bleeding.
I thought I crooked my bones because it starts to really hurt. I wash my hand in it is painful. It sucked in the cold. I knew I am not okay that time. Not only my hand hurts but also my whole left arm.
Punching the wall
I am so crazy enough to punch the wall and cry. I never regret what I did. I could not explain myself through words and in the level of my anxiety I just want to throw something or like what I did, I punched the wall.
What hurts most
My left arm hurts especially its cold. I never told anyone about it and my sibling never noticed it and asked what happened to my hand.
Bruises and pains go away but the aching heart is hard to recover. No matter how many happy movies I watched and fun times I’ve spent I will still remain unlike the bruises and pains that gradually slips away and never get back again.
Emotions was real big part of a person and if it was damaged the personality of a person will be lost.
I am a happy person. I smile to people whom I loved and from those experiences that makes me feel sad or traumatic it will be kept and snuggled up in my aching heart. I am not a perfect person but the point that I am a person who can make things happen.
I could give advice to others but I could not give myself a simple thoughtful advice to fix something. I am blessed with those people around me that never give me a reason to punch a wall.
“There are some phrases from you that I will never ever forget because it’s really hurts than my left hand.”