I am anxious with anything to everything these past few days and I could not help it. Maybe because I do not have anyone to talk to and to rant on to. I know I am strong to do things on my own. I am good at taking care of people especially the ones I love most. I indeed thought about the past and the future very much and continue to live in my present.
Do you know what I thought about “present”? For me, it is the most random thing that ever invented. It is full of surprises, excitements and setbacks. What I can do about that is to stay strong and be strategically cleared to what I need to push through. I have to set my mind and be a goal oriented person. At this moment, I am at the stage of following rules, staying at home, waiting, caring and making the most of my life with the ones I love. I know that there is no reason to hurry things because I have to slow down and look everything and record it in my mind.
Depressive episodes sometimes come to me and I could not avoid it. I must admit to myself that I feel, happy, loved, anxious, sad, obnoxious, free, excited, depressed, hurt, worried, confined, selfish, cared and more… but at the end I have to be with myself and stay sane enough for those people who loved me. I have to forget those people who were jealous and hate me for I have the right to love on my own.
I felt bad for myself for Google-ing some stuff (manic depression) and might brought me to insanity. I am bewildered with the past and the future made me felt like alone and nothing to the people whom I value the most but I am thankful for my best friend for stopping me to cross the line between sanity and insanity. I have to stay. I have to stay stronger now.
For those of you who are thinking of searching some psychiatric related things in Google. Better to look for someone to talk too like you mother,sister or best friend because they can help you that searching and be paranoid with the things you read.
Or, if you don’t have anyone. Try me. I could help you and lend you my ears and let’s start sharing things. Stay strong. Be brave enough to eliminate whatever monsters you have in your life. Stay with yourself.