Ambivalence

I tried to save it
but that was the best of me
I can’t no longer push through
I love you so
this pain of separation killed the spark;
inside of me.

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Vent it out

Did you ever felt so alone and depressed? So desperate and anxious about a person, thing, weather, phenomena or situation. Well, I am feeling it right now. I feel happy though ironically I am not. Since I was a kid, I constantly ask myself why life is so unfair to me. I even do everything yet it is not okay. I felt like, i lost eveything while doing everything. I feel so alone. No one understands me. I don’t even know who love me and all those people whom loving are not here with me. I want them right now but it can’t be. I am miles away from them. I want to cry while hugging them. I want to talk and spill everything out. Life is just unfair to me. Why? : (

Happy One: For the first time in forever

ALERT: Cheesy Overload!!

After my 2013 recap, here’s my post dedicated to my best friend, boyfriend, and brother in one because it’s our fourth anniversary and I am fully excited. We have been together this long and still strong. Time will come our relationship will be going on a higher level and I am positively hoping that we will make it! I am proud being her girlfriend and I am more proud of him too.

He is the best person I ever had. He is my strength and he is my sanity. Whenever I am losing all my hopes and feeling down, he is there to lift me up and cheer me up to make me smile. Sometimes, I get so jealous with those girls around him though I know that he is faithful to me and the only girls that he likes other than me are Hayley Williams and Jennifer Lawrence. HaHa!

His humor and his laughs stays on my mind for long. I love talking to him and learn a lot. He is more intelligent than me when it comes to facts. He easily gets tired and gets so grumpy. When he is hungry he gets grumpy too! haha! that’s the time when I love teasing him. haha!

I think I am making him more look like an ideal guy, ha! People might say, I can only say this because I am blind for the reason that I am in love with him. I have known him for so long.

He is a lovable person. We have been best friends since June 1997 because we ride the same school service, then we became classmates in elementary then remain best friends. I know who are his exes and he knows mine too. Sometimes, I tease him over other girls. haha!

My Message

In the last four years, we have survived trials. From simple quarrels to huge issues that keeps on coming back. We have learned how to hold on and love one another. I know you are faithful to me and so I am. I know that we will make this last and we will do anything and solve every problem together, hand in hand. As I look back from the photos we have shared for the past years, I just realized how much we grow together. Time passed by rapidly and we know relationships are not measured by time, years or any measuring tools available in your toolbox and hardware stores but it is felt by two people, who selflessly loving each other.

We both belong in the work force now. We do have different career paths and we meet other people and create affiliations. That’s all okay because we need to make a living for our future family. We have to save money for the things we want and to make our plans transpires. I wish that we could achieve each of our dreams and become successful with what we do. I wished that we could do more adventures together, eat every food in the world, go travel city by city. We will build a nice home and we will put so much love in it. I have lots of high hopes for our relationship. No one can devour our relationship if we choose to be faithful to each other and put GOD and “us” in whatever we do. I am motivated by you. I am determined to work hard for us. I will do my best my dear for our relationship and for our family. Loyalty, happiness, communication, friendship, understanding and love are the main ingredients of our relationship. NEVER GIVE UP. HOLD ON and NEVER EVER LET ME GO.

Sometimes, we almost give up on each other and I am afraid of it. I am afraid to lose you. We have been always carried away by our emotions especially, anger, sadness and jealousy. However, always remember what we have learned from Hachiko movie we watch, “No matter how mad or angry you are, always remember you love each other and think of the happy times you have shared and will do in the future”, From these we will hold on and let the sea calm itself after the storm. Problems are meant to be solve by facing it not by quitting, retreating or giving up.

Always, remember how many times we are tested. Keep the faith and lets look forward together. I will hold you. You are such a wonderful person that’s God has given me. I am lucky to found my other half in you. I am always thankful that you always choose me over other things. I am grateful that instead you are having a nice drinking session or party, you choose me. You exchange good times with your friends for me. That’s why sometimes, I felt so guilty because you always choose to be with me but then, I am still thankful. I have no words to say further on how lucky I am since, I met you and fell in love with you. I am more proud to say to anyone that you are my boyfriend and if the good heavens favor us, you’ll be my husband and will be the father of my children.

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY MY DEAR!!! I am always here with you. I am here to support and love you unconditionally. Sorry if I am always moody and paranoid. Sorry if we fight over the same issues. I am just overly protective because I might lose you and I won’t let it happen. Thank you for your undying patience and you always there to love me and crazily do things with me. I love you to the moon and back honey. I am always be your best friend, girlfriend sister, soulmate and wife.

Thank you for everything! I am always yours.

I wanna share some photos of ours in the past year (2013): 

RANDOM AND HAPPY MOMENTS WITH MY EJAY! :)

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HAPPY MOMENTS WITH MY EJAY! :) <3

HAPPY MOMENTS WITH MY EJAY! :) <3

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OKAY! I warned you before reading this post but you read it anyway. So, thank you for giving me you at least five minutes of your time reading this cheesy overload post of mine. :)

Always,
Anna

My 2013

This is a bit recap of my year. I must admit that this is a ‘ME STUFF” and not something about food, travel, technology, beauty or anything above or under the hot sunshine. :)

This is an awesome year to remember. “22” is the best age according to Taylor Swift and I think she is right about it while, according to Paramore from their Hello Cold World song,

22 is like the worst idea that I have ever had
It’s too much pain, it’s too much freedom
What should I do with this?
it’s not the way you plan it
It’s how you make it happen

Well, both idea were right, I have experienced both and I just had lots of fun, pressure and knowledge to keep. It makes me feel more human and I realized that every second of the day is important because I am getting old and I might lose my aces and regret it for not doing anything. I must spend it wisely and even if it is difficult to do, I must survive! Even if it is tiring, at the end of the day it will be all full worth to do.

One thing is for sure about me now and for the succeeding years:  “I WILL NEVER LOSE ANY PARTICULAR CHANCE IN MY LIFE. I WILL AVOID TO SAY NO TO GOOD TIMES AND QUALITY TIMES. I WILL DO EVERYTHING TO MAKE A LIVING AND FOR MY FUTURE

ON THE OTHER HAND, here are some photos of my adventures this year:

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Mother’s day with Nanay and Mommy (My Grannies)

Nicole's 4th Birthday @ 8waves Waterpark and Resort

April 17: Nicole’s 4th Birthday @ 8waves Waterpark and Resort

Summer 2013 @ Aztea Zambales. Beach day!

Summer 2013 @ Aztea Zambales. Beach day!

May 25, 26, 27: 3 days 2 nights with Ejay's family @ Piña Colina Tagaytay.

May 25, 26, 27: 3 days 2 nights with Ejay’s family @ Piña Colina Tagaytay.

May 26: Mommy's Birthday. (I missed it because I was in Tagaytay with Ejay).

May 26: Mommy’s Birthday. (I missed it because I was in Tagaytay with Ejay).

Night Swimming with Elementary classmates. Such fun night! Friends Forever!

Night Swimming with Elementary classmates. Such fun night! Friends Forever!

July 02: Vianca's 16th Birthday.

July 02: Vianca’s 16th Birthday.

July 04: Lloyd's 15th Birthday.

July 04: Lloyd’s 15th Birthday.

JULY 09: COMPLETE! COUSINS!

JULY 09: COMPLETE! COUSINS!

With Daryll. My Cousin!

With Daryll. My Cousin!

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July Moments with Santiago Family

August 03: Ate Camille's Bridesmaid on her Wedding! <3

August 03: Ate Camille’s Bridesmaid on her Wedding! <3

September 19: Eliana's 2nd Birthday at Jollibee Pulilan (September 23)

September 19: Eliana’s 2nd Birthday at Jollibee Pulilan (September 22)

MY 23 BIRTHDAY WITH EJAY!!

MY 23rd BIRTHDAY WITH EJAY!!

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MERRY CHRISTMAS! 5th Christmas with Ejay. :)

MERRY CHRISTMAS!
5th Christmas with Ejay. :)

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Christmas photo

I am really thankful for this year. Grateful to do so many things. had lots of fun with my family and friends. Spend quality time with those people I love most. 2013 is a year of experience for me. Looking forward to more adventures in 2014. It is a new beginning too! I am gonna be tougher than I am now.

HAPPY NEW YEAR TO ALL!

I hope you all had a good year in 2013 too and like I wish, may 2014 be nice to all of us. We cannot avoid bumps on the road but you must learn how to drive: speed up, slow down and stop.

Love,

anna

On my birthday

I am in a dilemma right now. I am torn into pieces of all the things that I want to do on my birthday, which is on Tuesday (09/24). I want a meaningful, great, quite peaceful and happy day. Though I am going to go to church first which ever decision I made.

First, I want to celebrate at home, cooked some for my family and stay at home where I can achieve a quite peaceful and great and happy day. I want to spend some time being completely happy with my love ones but my siblings have classes so, I am going to be alone at home with my father, kasambahay (house helper) and my other sibling. It might be just an ordinary day at home.

Second, I want to go out with my boy friend though he needs to go to work because it is a tuesday and he just started in his new job. I want to go watch movies, eat a lot of food and talk to him all day which is not boring for me. You know what, I can talk to him for long hours without being bored because I am just happy talking to my best friend / boy friend. I just want a date. I miss having date. If he needs to go to work on my day, it’s okay I understand that.

Third, go to Manila and find and meet some friends who are available to eat and chat with me. Maybe just maybe. I can catch up with a lot of them on a tuesday night after their work. My two girl friends, Rachel and Pauline are in school and busy doing stuff. Which automatically not available.

Fourth, if nothing will happen on my day, maybe I can go alone and treat myself and look back all the past 23 years I have been.

Reaching 23 years living and still kicking some butts is really hard. I know I am tough and will tougher than ever. I am just thankful that I have this kind of life. Whatever happens on that day, I am surely thankful that I am alive today.

I will always be the happy and smiling Anna that others usually says about me. Because a lot of people who knew me, describes me as a sun that can brighten up the room and I will still be that kind of person 23 years more and counting.

Love,
Anna

7 best reasons why is it good when your best friend is your boyfriend

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I must say, having a best friend is one of God’s best gift to a person. A best friend is defined as your reflection at any part of your life while, having a boyfriend is a transformed friendship into love relationship. Personally, my best friend is my boyfriend and I can share good things and on my next post I will share all the boyfriend/ best friend relationship doubts.

1. You know each other for a long time

You no longer need to be acquainted to each other because you have known each other long enough to ask his name, address, age, birthday, likes and dislikes. You will no longer have the hard time, looking for common things you share because you have been and will always be best friends, in short, you have a lot in common.

2. You will not have the hard time to introduce oneself from his/your family

Maybe, creating some long introductory speeches in front of each other’s family are not necessary for they already know you because you have been introduced to them long before you realize that you are in love for each other. Plus, less shy on approaching them for you have known them too.

3. You know his or her past relationships

I know, some couples always have troubles with exes and the advantage of having a boyfriend who are your best friend is he knows who are your past relationships and you know them so, you have less worries about it.

4. You are both open to discuss anything

From personal to gossip conversations it is all fun. It is like an open book, you can talk about good things, problems, future plans and everything under the sun. Even all the private things to talk like secrets and all.

5. You have common friends while you know also his/her extended friends

This is one of my favorite part, having common friends because it is so hard to let your friends know your boyfriend. And here’s a catch, when your guy have a best friend and you were not close enough to know each other. There’s a big awkwardness in this situations. However, when you have common friends because you have been best friends and you know who are his extended friends. It is like creating a group where you can be friends not lovers.

6. Your relationship have a good foundation

People say, “at any relationship, it must have a good start or a good foundation”. A simple friendship which started everything is a huge part in a love relationship. When you are in this kind of relationship, you have to maintain the friendship because sometimes love fades but friendship never.

7. You are more comfortable with each other

Back then when are still in a best friend stage, you and your guy used to hang out, play video games or eat out for lunch or dinner or just even spend some sleepless nights while talking about crushes and jokes. When you are not dating your best friend, you still experience some sort of awkwardness but when you are dating your best friend, those awkward boundaries were broken and you act naturally and happy at each other’s side.

At any given situation, a friend is always good whenever you feel alone, sad, happy or sort of feeling crushed and it is more best to have a friend and a boyfriend because its all-in-one. You just have to be sure that you feel love and care and be sure it is not an infatuation. Never ever lose the friendship between you and him because it matters a lot.

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Circles

ImageThere is a formal reason of why you love somebody is to let yourself to be loved too. Considering that they can fully hurt you. We all believe that there are different types of relationships and each one is unique from the other. Maybe it have some things in common but at the end there are some bits and pieces that is unique to anyone else.

We could barely think about how a couple struggle, but one thing is for sure, “If they promised to work things out and if they love each other at a certain point they can do anything they want.” Even, moving mountains across the sea.

There’s no such thing as perfect love, true love or forever. If you just stop finding the right person and let God plan everything for your love. You will no longer chase the wrong ones. Although, sometimes God gave you the wrong one to learn from it so that when the He gave you the right one you can able to manage whatever life gave you, together.

If you love someone, you will do anything and when you do love someone you have to deal with the trials and surpass it together. As people says, “You will not stop wondering not until you try it”. Try to love. Try to risk things. Try to be hurt and cry. Try to scream at the top of your lungs. Try to be yourself. Try not to depend on others because some people throw rubbish at your back because they don’t know you at all.

Circles interconnects

There are times that people thought that the only people I have is them. They don’t know that besides them, I also create my own circles and those circles understand for who I am. They are the one who know better than them. I can talk shits and rainbows with them.

Circles can fully understand me. I love my days when I am with them. I felt like I am living and I am human. I am not creating a bubble but I am protecting myself from being hurt by the people who don’t understand me at all. I do not want to cry because of what they say about me. I know words are sharper than a knife and can tear me up into pieces but I allow them to do it to me.

I popped my bubble and let them enter my life again but they hurt me again. Every person that I love were being hurt by these people and I don’t wanna see another person crying because of them. First, I saw my mom cry because of them and now, My father. I don’t wanna see another love cry because of them. It is enough that I cry because they have thrown sharp words at me. I am putting my bubble up again.

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