A two way street

I was sitting on a bench around the corner while snowing, I wonder profoundly about my life. I see people crossing the street and cars passing by. I wonder, how on Earth I came here? I answered my own question. I was here because I have purpose. I was here because I am capable of living and choose what to do.

While, sitting and wondering I looked at the sky and imagine all of my dreams. I smiled weirdly and thought about how to get it. Thinking about time and effort makes me feel crazy and lazy but I know I must pursue because I know it is a rewarding feeling to achieve my goals one by one.

I often ask myself silly questions and found the answer right in front of me or somewhere deep within me. It is a some kind of a two way street I can go here and there to get to the place that I want to go. Maybe there are some long haul drives of flights to go through but somewhere there, I know I can get there.

I felt chilly as the snow drops heavily with the wind. I wished that if only I could freeze time and get there without losing so much but life must go on and we can never go back just moving forward and aiming right with a clearer view.

-Anna

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Panini Machine

Last night, we are so busy at work and I finished all my chores around 4 a.m. which rarely happened. I never had a chance to take a sit and eat my food. All I need is to finish everything because I don’t wanna hear anything from the morning shift (because they really like to complain about petty stuff). I hate whiners. I hate grumpy faces in the morning. Well, everything changed this morning as I am the one who had a grumpy face and I am just there standing and taking/making orders.

I lost myself while cleaning the Panini machine. The burned plate which I need to scrape, wash. dry and put a release (non-stick solution) and turn it on. I was so tired an all my energy were drained since I had my vaccines the other day. I thought, everything will be okay. I thought the orders will slow down a bit around 1 or 2 a.m. but I was wrong.

Plus, there is only two people who are on duty. Can you think of a way to pull everything in one night with just to people? Tell me, You need to clean two showcases (donut showcase), clean and stock everything at the sandwich bar, clean all the three counters plus the brewers and machines, clean the dining area and washrooms, make a soup and throw and clean all the expired goods. clean the freaking panini machine and do the dishes, stock up/ refill everything bit of thing. Tell me. Can two people do this? WHILE SERVING CUSTOMERS EVERY MINUTE. How can you able to finish? Then what? Morning shift will complain, “why you didn’t do this? Why you didn’t do that?” Are they still thinking? That there are only two people who works at midnight shift and receiving a salary SAME RATE with them and some people have bigger than us.

I don’t want to write this but I really lost myself with that freaking Panini machine and suddenly I realize, everything is unfair here. I thought why they are not wondering why there is no one who can stay in the midnight shift?

Void

Sometimes, feelings come out so fast. It doesn’t matter where it came from or why it happened. The torture underneath the skin and all the unsaid words keeps on cutting the heart into thinly slices. Try shovelling it under the frigid snow maybe, just maybe there are the answers. It was like faking a smile towards a stranger. No feelings. No records. Nothing at all. Spaces. Cosmos. Black hole. Universe. Dark. Lightyears. These only means one thing to me. Void. That void consumes the totality of my life. I have paths to take in but I have choices and routes and lots of detours. I am like an engine with empty fuel tank. No life. Nothing. I was eaten and slowly turning into a lone creature. Maybe. This life supposed be mine. I don’t know. We never know. My body just gave up on something you and I don’t know.

My 2013

This is a bit recap of my year. I must admit that this is a ‘ME STUFF” and not something about food, travel, technology, beauty or anything above or under the hot sunshine. :)

This is an awesome year to remember. “22” is the best age according to Taylor Swift and I think she is right about it while, according to Paramore from their Hello Cold World song,

22 is like the worst idea that I have ever had
It’s too much pain, it’s too much freedom
What should I do with this?
it’s not the way you plan it
It’s how you make it happen

Well, both idea were right, I have experienced both and I just had lots of fun, pressure and knowledge to keep. It makes me feel more human and I realized that every second of the day is important because I am getting old and I might lose my aces and regret it for not doing anything. I must spend it wisely and even if it is difficult to do, I must survive! Even if it is tiring, at the end of the day it will be all full worth to do.

One thing is for sure about me now and for the succeeding years:  “I WILL NEVER LOSE ANY PARTICULAR CHANCE IN MY LIFE. I WILL AVOID TO SAY NO TO GOOD TIMES AND QUALITY TIMES. I WILL DO EVERYTHING TO MAKE A LIVING AND FOR MY FUTURE

ON THE OTHER HAND, here are some photos of my adventures this year:

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Mother’s day with Nanay and Mommy (My Grannies)

Nicole's 4th Birthday @ 8waves Waterpark and Resort

April 17: Nicole’s 4th Birthday @ 8waves Waterpark and Resort

Summer 2013 @ Aztea Zambales. Beach day!

Summer 2013 @ Aztea Zambales. Beach day!

May 25, 26, 27: 3 days 2 nights with Ejay's family @ Piña Colina Tagaytay.

May 25, 26, 27: 3 days 2 nights with Ejay’s family @ Piña Colina Tagaytay.

May 26: Mommy's Birthday. (I missed it because I was in Tagaytay with Ejay).

May 26: Mommy’s Birthday. (I missed it because I was in Tagaytay with Ejay).

Night Swimming with Elementary classmates. Such fun night! Friends Forever!

Night Swimming with Elementary classmates. Such fun night! Friends Forever!

July 02: Vianca's 16th Birthday.

July 02: Vianca’s 16th Birthday.

July 04: Lloyd's 15th Birthday.

July 04: Lloyd’s 15th Birthday.

JULY 09: COMPLETE! COUSINS!

JULY 09: COMPLETE! COUSINS!

With Daryll. My Cousin!

With Daryll. My Cousin!

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July Moments with Santiago Family

August 03: Ate Camille's Bridesmaid on her Wedding! <3

August 03: Ate Camille’s Bridesmaid on her Wedding! <3

September 19: Eliana's 2nd Birthday at Jollibee Pulilan (September 23)

September 19: Eliana’s 2nd Birthday at Jollibee Pulilan (September 22)

MY 23 BIRTHDAY WITH EJAY!!

MY 23rd BIRTHDAY WITH EJAY!!

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MERRY CHRISTMAS! 5th Christmas with Ejay. :)

MERRY CHRISTMAS!
5th Christmas with Ejay. :)

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Christmas photo

I am really thankful for this year. Grateful to do so many things. had lots of fun with my family and friends. Spend quality time with those people I love most. 2013 is a year of experience for me. Looking forward to more adventures in 2014. It is a new beginning too! I am gonna be tougher than I am now.

HAPPY NEW YEAR TO ALL!

I hope you all had a good year in 2013 too and like I wish, may 2014 be nice to all of us. We cannot avoid bumps on the road but you must learn how to drive: speed up, slow down and stop.

Love,

anna

If a guy loves you he’ll meet you halfway

When someone says, “we can do anything together and I will always keep holding on”. For a girl, she will hold on to it because she has the power on believing. When you said these phrases, you are creating a so-called, HOPE. Building a relationship strong is a major goal by providing trust and loyalty to each other.

We all know that relationships tend to not last forever and rarely find true love. No one is entitled to hurt a girl but only herself but she allows one person to either love and make her happy or hurt her and make her feel sad and alone. Some girls are no longer believe in love because they had suffered from a severe heartache and their hearts stopped from loving.

When I was in high school

At a certain part of my life I wished to have my own family to raise but on the other hand I have planned also to have a baby; just baby and no daddy. I just need a baby and I can live with it.

At the back of my mind, I have these goals to meet, a sort of bucket list to do in my entire life and I am soon to turn 23 and I am stock in here at home doing nothing. I want to do things and go on places that I want.

Moving out and about

When I am able to do things on my own and some penny on my pocket. I will do all I wanted. I will save up and work hard to reach my limit. For now, I am planning to study again while working. I wanted to reach my limit so that at age 26 I am a teacher and living my life.

This is the reason I do not want to have a family because I want to go to places on my own and reflect on my life. My childhood was already ruined. My adolescence age was merely ruined and my pre-adulthood

is almost but I am not going to allow to change my life. I will pursue one career path and live. I want a house, a car and a life of my own. That is love. If a guy love me he will meet me halfway and support me.

Love for all you have

To love someone is not hard but to forget someone and leave them behind is very hard. That is why I am afraid to love someone because I tend to be dependent unto them and it is difficult to let go.

That is why when a guy said to a girl, “we can do anything together and I will always keep holding on”. The guy gives hope and that hope is very strong to hold on to. Just one sentence but very strong one. I know everyone is not perfect and even girls have their own faults on why relationships didn’t lasts. God created emotion which produces feelings and through that people created love and all its concepts.

Remember (girls and boys), No one is entitled to hurt you but only you unless you allow someone to do it.

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“Understanding” is a big word

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I remember back in college and taking up a “Marriage and Family” course subject as a part of the curriculum. One day, my professor let us pick one with: Understanding, Kindness, Forgiveness, and Patience. I don’t recall what my answer is but now, I totally understand what my professor wanted us to learn about it.

She said, “There is always one thing that you could not give among the four and you will have a hard time earning it but just pray for it and ask it to the Lord.”

Now, I have realized that I lacked of Understanding and I really need to earn it. I always have the grace of understanding but what I am trying to explain here the understanding the SITUATIONS especially the unfavorable ones. If I have it, I could also learn how to forgive, be patient and be kind to everyone because I can understand them.

I can forgive someone because I understand his/her or my mistakes. I can be kind to anyone without waiting for any favorable returns. I can be patient towards the things that needs some waiting. If I could earn and learn Understanding I am able to hold on and let go. I can also learn how to give way and sacrifice things and I could not get what I want sometimes. Life is not fair we all know that and we just need to manage our needs and wants.

Use Understanding at any situation

Have you ever been in this situation?

You really wanted something but fate stepped in and at the end you did not have it at all?

  • How do you feel about it?
  • Have you ever asked God, WHY?
  • Did you cry?
  • Did your heart broke into little pieces?
  • What else did you feel?

We really need understanding in here because we have to realize WHY we did not have it or make it. We have to understand that some things in life are not really for us and at some point we could look for its equivalent and feel better. We must admit that LIFE is UNFAIR and we have to deal with it. We need to start moving forward, so that we are not stuck in the mud with our broken hearts.

Why is it a big word?

At any point of our lives whether it is about success or failures, we have to begin with understanding the situations. By the time being, we can asses our actions towards the situation. This is no-brainer I know but we just have to know how to understand things so that  we move forward without any excess or heavy baggage on our back.

Just keep this on your mind,

in every situations whether it is on your side or not just keep your high hopes because there is always tomorrow. Maybe it is not for you or maybe there are a lot bigger plans waiting for you. Keep you feet onto the ground and be humble. Never let anyone tell you what you can do and what you cannot do because you can do anything if you are eager to achieve one thing.

Never stop believing. Never stop. Just never ever stop.

quote:

“The desire to write grows with writing.”   -Desiderius Erasmus

Always,

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Happy one! Labor day! Updates here on my blog: themes, profiles, about me section and more

I have decided to update my blog since this plan is a long overdue on my list. I spend whole day polishing this up to be more reader and visual friendly. These changes also have a good impact for me to blog often and I am happy with it.

I must pursue all of my plans and work on a new list. I have thought about doing some extra activities since I have nothing to do here at home. I thought about changing my blog address when I have availed my domain name. I know it is a lot of work. I love doing some work here in WordPress and this is my very first decent blog I ever have.

Updates:

I did some profile updates since the old one is an obsolete entry but I am not satisfied with my latest. I need to think more enticing, more realistic and mature about me entry.

I am having a writer’s block when it comes to my about me because I am not a descriptive type of person who reiterate all the things that I love, like and do most. I need to exacerbate something beautifully craft and real.

Labor Holiday

Happy Labor Holiday! The workforce group have some celebration to make this day because today is their day! Some stayed at home and be with their families while others went to the mall and beach to have fun.

I am not yet belong to the work force so I somehow don’t feel the awesomeness of this day. I must admit that I am unemployed but it is not by choice. I have to wait for the right time and while waiting for that right time I must do something fruitful which is merely equal to a job.

Happy One!

Before I forgot, today is also the 40th month of me and Ejay (my guy). We don’t usually celebrate monthsaries so big but still it is special for the both of us. We do not count the months and sometimes we get confused if how many years we have been together. :-)

What is important with monthsaries are the habit of “reminding” how strong we are in our relationship. Nothing can be more important with is to, REMEMBER and greet each other because it pumps the blood in the relationship to let it live strong and happy.

I love today and everyday. Stay happy as you can be and live your life for it is unique.

Quote: “The only reason for being a professional writer is that you can’t help it.”                                                                                                  -Leo Rosten

Love,
Anna

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